I'm guessing once our support system is up and running I will feel like I have less responsibility for holding us all up. The boys have their first therapy session today. On Monday they start Rainbows (we all will participate) which is for kids with changing home lives (divorce, death, abandonment). MIRACLE of all miracles, H has decided that instead of not needing therapy, he will go to psychotherapy--he has been listening to my reasoning, and it is making sense to him (about being a better Dad for the boys). He says he realizes he needs to look deeply at his past/parents to be able to connect emotionally with his children. When I say this is HUGE, it is not an understatement. Let's see if he goes, but he realizes the kids are suffering and even said he would cancel his tentative plans with OW tonight to see the boys. It is a start.
I am in therapy too and it's so empowering. I will not give OW the satisfaction of seeing me frumpy and disheveled, and more importantly it is fun for me. I do my hair every day, (no mom ponytail) put on make up and bought a pair of jeans--I look good, too! I got in the habit of wearing cargo pants/yoga pants--comfortable stuff. Not anymore...The boys say wow mommy you look pretty!
The taunted feeling is how I KNOW they are there. I KNOW they are sneaking around and part of the thrill for them is the forbidden nature of their relationship. I don't think H was too thrilled when S8 saw his car, though. We have consulted with counselors and they said to delay them knowing about the OW for as long as possible. This means I feel like an accomplice to H and OW and also that I am lying to the children. It is a horrible position to be in. I will do it as the lesser of two evils.
Adinva you are right. They should be afraid of the humiliation not ME. As one of my friends says---Everyone LOVES YOU and they HATE HER (this is true--she is uniquely offensive to anyone who meets her, a rare trait) and They will think your H is an IDIOT. That is probably true too. I don't want people to gossip as it might be an embarrassment or cause shame to the boys. So I probably won't really tell many people.
I have a neighbor who unfortunately simultaneously is going through divorce due to physical and mental abuse. We are able to do this together and support each other. That is good. The fact that she hates the OW is a fringe benefit for me.
Two months to feeling the new normal sounds great...I was hoping by the summer, so that will be ahead of schedule...:)
