Still Confused Beyond Belief...part 2

[adinva]

Wow Tig. So sorry. Honestly I don't know what the right thing is to do for such little kids who are still old enough to understand what their daddy's car looks like. The secrecy was very difficult for me with my boys, and I covered for my H until the point where I felt I was protecting him more than I was protecting my boys. If H is going to do this, perhaps the bandaid needs to be ripped and they need to be told in an age-appropriate way. Get your counselor's advice on what and how and when to tell them anything. But the knowledge to an 8yo that their dad is doing something fishy, that cannot be healthy.

It is so hard, being so vulnerable, seeing OW come and go, I feel taunted and humiliated.

Bah! Hold your head up! Here is what has happened. Are you going to let it destroy you? You are not the one doing anything wrong. Go about your business, try very hard to ignore their comings and goings, and smack yourself (gently) every time you feel humiliated.

Believe me, I understand and went through feeling diminished, humiliated, just the lowest most disposable piece of trash for my husband to leave me and not even for another woman, just leave me. I was that bad of a wife. Stop that. No one in the world is going to look at you going about your business and your H carrying on across the street and think less of you. Nope, it is your H and OW who should feel taunted and humiliated, and they are sneaking around behind the backs of 8 YEAR OLDS. That is really low. Hold your head up.

If you have any insecurities start working on them. Work out, do your hair and makeup, dress well. Get busy. Do things that are fun and exciting or even just different from normal. Reinvent yourself. Know, with all of your being, that you are good and deserving and are going to have a great life starting right now, in spite of H. To spite H, if that's how you need to frame it.

You will be OK. You will.