Yikes, sorry. I have boys ages 12 and 15. The last time I told them their dad loved them was when we broke the news to them that we were separating. I couldn't handle the devastation I saw and I wanted to comfort them so I said we both love you very much.
In the meantime, H has not said or acted in any way remotely loving to them. If I said he did, which I don't know because I'm not in his head, I'd be making up pablum to comfort kids who are old enough to see through it. I wish he loved them the way I want them loved, I wish he were more verbal with them, and I wish he were trying harder to have a relationship with them, but wishes don't make reality.
What I'm trying to say is, your kids need you to be authentic and real. If you BS them they will not feel they have a parent left that they can be real with. You don't have to tell them she doesn't love them, but you should not put words in her mouth, especially when they see her actions contradict. Meet your kids where they are, encourage them to seek from her what they need from her, and keep being there for them.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
