Peaceful, sleeping quite a bit now and unable to talk for long. I spend much of my time reading by the bedside now.
I'm doing alright.
I am trying to keep any expectations at zero but it is so much easier said than done. It is the KNOWING vs. the DOING. Just like words are easy and actions hard.
Did not hear from xSO yesterday either. I really would love to have zero expectations because my expectations are the ones that cause that one more razor cut and then I feel it is harder to let go of the anger and resentment. I am working on forgiveness for everything surrounding the BD - the lying, the I hate you, the cheating, the abandonment - and yet it feels like he just keeps on piling it on. Four days and not even a "how are you holding up?" But I am learning - set the bar very low so he can get over it. That bar needs to be at ground level since most strangers have been kinder.
I can truly understand how an LBS gets to the point of walking away. I may not personally be at that exact point but I can surely understand it. The catch-22 is that cutting off all contact with him would not solve this for me right now. I would still be hurting.
