As for the GU syndrome, she often refers to how she had to take care of the baby by herself, and whines about me not having been interested. Heck, she had 6 months of maternity leave. She stayed home all day with the baby. I was working during the day like a madman, and understandably had less energy in the evening to play bah bah bah with the baby. Ok, I should have made the effort, and tried to make monkey faces at S, or changed his diaper. But I didn't and it's too late now, what is done is done, no need to recall how she had to carry all the weight of motherhood on her all the time. (I know 25yearsmic, it was a critical time of her life, I know..) And consider her motherhood above my fatherhood.
I can't even believe I just read that. Bruce, as a man, I'd like to say that's the most selfish and self-righteous thing I've read in recent memory. You have no clue how hard mothers with a newborn have it - I've worked 18 - 20 hour days and still came home each night to give my W a break, even for a few minutes - and I still wasn't as tried as she was. Newborn baby, house work, laundry, etc... It's a never ending job.
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
Heck, she had 6 months of maternity leave. She stayed home all day with the baby. I was working during the day like a madman, and understandably had less energy in the evening to play bah bah bah with the baby.
What you refuse to get is THAT IS THE POINT!!! You were not there for her or your son, apparently. Paying the bill is simply not enough!! And now you want cry about it and expect sympathy with comments like that?! I'm beginning to wonder if your sitch is real or if you're just trying to spin the good people on this board up...
You admit you weren't there, yet you refuse to see the simple truth that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SITUATION. You REFUSE to accept accountability and until you do that, you will never have a chance at even a decent R with your STBXW.
Apparently, either thru cultural differences or personal choice, you have chosen not to understand these simple facts...
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
In fact in her first petition, it was all about S. She was asking 100% of time with S, and none for me. We replied to that petition, everybody remembers.
Do you know how to take care of your son? Have you taken any parenting classes? Your own words earlier in the thread suggest some level of neglect or even ineptitude on your part.
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
When she understood that some time would be granted to me, and eventually 50-50%, she amended her petition, in fact three days before the hearing, and added the spousal support thing, as a "retaliation".
It's doubtful retaliation is her motive, though, if you are truly anything like you appear to be here, I might accept that. The more likely explanation is that her lawyer convinced her that she is entitled to that, as was stated above. You seem to take every thing she/her lawyer does as a personal attack. Both appear, to me, to be looking out for her and her son's best interest - I can find no fault on their part.
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
She didn't do it because she needs money, she stays at her parents! She doesn't pay rent or childcare.
That's a pretty arrogant, and might I say, ignorant statement. How do you know what her expenses are? Have you actually read and understood her financial declaration (I don't know if it's necessary where you are at, but, where I live both sides are required to submit a financial declaration). And do you think she plans on staying there forever?
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
So, I'm not the stingy one here. She is intent in hitting me in the nose, until I bleed and ask her to make an arrangement Son versus money. (like she tried with her crappy deal dropping the divorce against my time with S).
Every time you try to make a point, you end up trying to insult her and make yourself out to be the victim - you really need to stop that and own up to your part in the failure of your M. You've tried to state you have owned up to it, but, you keep attacking your W in your angry posts and claim to be the victim.
Want to know who I see as the victim here? Your son. He's caught in a battle between two angry parents. One is angry because she was in an unfulfilled M to you; and you are angry for... whatever reason you are.
Seek professional help.
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
While I was still in France, she said several times for me to stay there. Is she secretly hoping that by making it hard on me I will give up and go back?
She may well have meant just that - stay away. That she is so angry and resentful of you that she doesn't want to see you, talk to you, or hear from you.
Originally Posted By: Big Bruce
How do I handle this very angry and resentful woman?
Give her what the courts say you must. Get some anger management counselling - you appear to need it. Learn some humility - you appear to need that also. From what I've seen, she has every reason to be angry and resentful.
But above all else, you need to STOP trying to read her mind, STOP trying to apply logic and STOP trying make sense of any of this. There are issues with YOU that others have mentioned as a starting point so YOU can begin to heal.
Until you start working to fix those, all you are going to be is angry and resentful which is unhealthy and unnecessary.
