Cold Fire

[leopoldstotch]

Wow it's been quite some time since I last posted in my thread. Well I've come to a decision that it is time for my W and to D. After being in this sitch for quite some time I can clearly see that my W is perfectly content on living the way we are forever and I'm not. I've made some pretty significant changes and yet I have not seen my W move one inch towards me at all and to this day she still blames me for her unhappiness. Well if there is one thing among the many things I've learned here it's that she is responsible for her own happiness.

Yesterday I contacted a divorce mediator and spoke to her about the process and what to expect and she is going to send an email so my W can read it. The mediator would also like to speak with her before we set up an appointment to come in and get the process started. I had taken down some notes when speaking to the mediator and my W saw them and made no comment. I asked her if she saw the notes and she said she did and the first comment was " I didn't know I was going to a mediator, thanks for making that decision for me". I had to remind her that going to a mediator was her idea in the first place and that if she wanted to go the traditional route then we will. Her next comment was about the cost of it all. "How much will it cost"? I told her that it's unknown because it all depends on how smoothly things go. She then proceeds to say that she doesn't have the money for this to which I tell her that she doesn't have a choice, one way or another this is happening money is no excuse, I cannot live the way we are living anymore. She didn't have anything to say. BTW the whole conversation was ok, no yelling or screaming by either of us, I just thought I'd make that clear.

At this stage I'm waiting on the email for my W to read and then for her to contact the mediator. If she doesn't then I will probably hire the mediator as my L and proceed. Knowing my W she will not contact the mediator because I think my W doesn't believe I can go through with this. Well she is in for a rude awakening.

I'm really at peace with my decision. I don't ever see things changing between us. Perhaps there was to much damage done in the past by both of us and quite frankly with the way she likes to point the finger at me and yes I own my share of mistakes, I don't know if I can ever trust her again if were to R. By that I mean say we did R and if things got rocky again which I'm sure they will since no relationship is perfect, who is to say that she won't want to bail out on me again and that is something I will not allow myself to go through again with her.

So for the moment I wait to see if my contacts the mediator and if not then I proceed without her and my W doesn't have a lot of time because I'm not going to allow her to drag her on this.