Have you considered the possibility that what you are feeling is very normal. Three years after a long and intense marriage isn't very long.
My own experience is that we go on loving them for a very long time, and it is hard to displace the central position they have held in our emotional landscape. I think we need to grow away from them naturally, helping ourselves by a mix of therapy, and bringing new people and interests into our lives. And letting time work its own alchemy
At some point the train actually does leave the station, but a long and happy marriage is always a part of who we are.
One thing you may be doing (and I could be wrong here) is expecting the new guy to instantly trigger many of the intense feelings you had for your xh. That instant attraction, backed up by a long time together probably will not be replicated in mid life. Then again it might, but not with this guy.
So although very nice, maybe he isn't the guy for you, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE. Caps intended!! We don't have to settle down with every nice person we meet.
As you know from my post, I recently met my xh after nearly three years with virtually no contact (more than 7 years post bomb), and was surprised to find that the feelings I imagined I had for him were nothing like as intense as they used to be. I still have affection for him, but that fierce deep passion? Honestly? Nah. I remember it, but it isn't there any more.
