A Life Filled With Grace

[25yearsmlc]

So brief journal because I'm at work.

My divorce is final today. I can't believe it's been 6 months already. Time surely does fly.

I thought about that late Monday night & then wasn't sure if I could bring it up or if it'd bring you down. But you are alive & well!


I've been at peace for about 6 wks now. I'm not gonna lie.. it's kinda awesome not to cry every month.

I tried so hard to forgive and move on for so long. Funny thing is when I took the pressure of myself and actually put more faith in God vs. my own actions.. things got better.

there is a lot to be said for "letting go and letting God." I found it also stopped (or lessened) the navel gazing and constant internal checks I'd do. Well done.

I bought a jeep and she is beautiful! She is not the most fuel efficient or the safest, but she sure is sexy.. and I look Good driving her.

as you know, I chose my red sports car, a known gas guzzler, b/c I said to myself, "if not now, when?" and the answer was "probably never"

So I drive my inefficient FUN car and I frickin' enjoy it. Go up the PCH and get a VIEW from your jeep. Dang, now I want to go too...

SIDENOTE, as time passes, my feelings about having a car that is easier for passengers to enter, does occur. So does getting a car with better gas mileage. But if I'd gotten a more sensible car, I think I'd always regret not getting the fun one, when I could. And when we're "rich" we'll have second "Fun" cars...like my wacky car guy neighbor who has cars for toys. Someday...maybe.

For now, I hope you enjoy what you have AND that you got it yourself. Very well done.

Getting back into the dating world has been great. I'm in no rush to settle down or have a g/f, but this time I am being myself. Super femme with my guarded heart on my sleeve. If she doesn't like.. that's her problem. I've learned my lesson.

Fair enough. And fwiw, in time you MAY find that your ex w did you a favor. I won't promise that, but I can say that With maybe one exception, I don't know any LBSer who isn't better off now, than before their divorce.

The exception is a person who has grown so much more than if she'd stayed with her first h. SHE may not agree that her life is better but that's mostly a money thing. I KNOW she's stronger and harder working than before, by a mile.
(No, I'm not secretly referring to you, but come to think of it, if the shoe fits...)

But Val, truly, I have to wonder if your ex w really "got" you OR if she was just so unfinished when you two met...You two hooked up & married pretty young, so maybe she wasn't right for you even though you felt she was...(how could she be, given what's happened with you?)

It's possible that you'll end up in a better place than you would have with her...I swear, I think you will. But that's easy for ME to say...


After these past 2 years, I have no regrets.

KEY point^^^and IF this were a contest between you and her, which we know it's not, you'd come out ahead my friend. The peace that abides when you have no regrets is only exceeded by what I assume a WAS must feel when they leave for moron reasons or their confusion or selfishness damages others. You're not her and you won't ever have to go there.


Do I wish I wouldn't have lost my marriage.. of course, but I only make up 50% of the equation. My xw also had free will.. and her choices are her own to make.

But I am SO thankful. It is in times of great suffering that we truly learn who God intended us to be as his children. Loving human beings with hearts full of compassion, grace, and understanding. Mirrors of what he is and how he loves us.

And although my xw chose to stop loving me, I was shown love by so many people on a consistent basis. From family to strangers, it has just been amazing.

How can I NOT love, when I am loved deeply?

Ain't that the truth??

And just keeping that in the foreground of my mind has been a game changer. Because if my thoughts are filled with gratitude and praise... there is very little room for anger or fear.

AMEN SISTAH!!!

Thank you my friends for fighting the good fight with me. Sorry for the sentimental blabber.

No sorry's needed....Meee LIKEY!