Is it humanly possible to drop the rope?

[AntoniaB]

Alright so some weeks have gone by since I posted. For some reason I felt strongly compelled to contact a guy I met back in Sept. that I had 2 dates with, and then I reconnected with him a few weeks ago and had another date and then tonight had him over for dinner.

So. He's a perfectly nice guy, I really like him, for a million reasons we'd make a great couple and he's relationship-motivated.

What's the problem?

This runs through my head: "You're not XH."

It's 3 years since the breakup of my marriage, 4 years since he exited the marriage emotionally. I'm alone now other than an extended fling for about 3 years. And I can't bring myself to go there. I just can't. Because in my mind, I'm "supposed" to be with my XH.

It doesn't matter that my XH is firmly in a relationship now several years with OW, or that I've changed in a ton of ways. It doesn't matter. All that runs in my head is that he's not XH.

I am doomed, I swear to god. I feel like I'll be single the rest of my life, not because I won't get offers, but because I'll reject them. I'm very sad about this, truly sad.

I've had a banner week professionally, and this guy actually took the time to celebrate it with me. He came for dinner and brought me a gift. He's not even dating me (my rule, no dating) and he's thoughtful and kind. And all my heart can say is "you're not him."

I hate myself right now for sabotaging something that could be really good for me.