Crimson........Winds of change blowing???

[2thepoint]

I have often thought that if she really, really had forgiven us or me that trying to move forward wouldn't be such a rough go.

Crimson - There is this concept known as "trust distinctions" that I think fit well with what you are describing. I learned about this in some business training I attended years ago.

There are 4 types of trust: Competence, Sincerity, Care and Reliability. Of the 4 types, Care is probably the most important for building and maintaining trust that lasts over the long haul.

If your W believes that your concern rests only in your self-interest and that you don’t consider her interest as well, she may trust your competence, sincerity and reliability, but she will likely limit her trust of you only to specific situations.

Conversely, when she believes you hold her interest in mind, she will be more likely to trust you more broadly.

So, I think that while she may have forgiven you, she is still not trusting that you will provided adequate care for her. It will take time. This same concept is mentioned throughout these pages. Demonstrate with time and actions that M to you can be better than before, and maybe you will regain her trust, and with that, a renewed marriage.

Hope this helps!