A Tale of Two Cities

[QueenOhHearts]

Got this message from H this morning:

I’m glad you liked the flowers. Sorry I haven’t called. I was upset about some things said the other night and some things that were posted on CI. I’m evaluating a lot of things that we spoke about and I wasn’t really up to re-hashing on the phone. Plus I was taking into consideration your parting words from the other night, about your being done trying to reach out. So, I apologize for not getting back to you; I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way. We’ll talk this week after I sort through things.

Encouraged that he at least wrote this. I've finally realized a few things about him:

1) If he's upset he doesn't feel the obligation to follow through on promises or duties (feelings trump values).

2) He is a much more emotional person than I and takes longer to recover and gets upset easier.

I suppose it's better that I learn this now than never. I'm surprised that he was honest to even tell me this much. It's more than I would have gotten in the past. I like the fact that he is owning that he didn't call when he knew he promised. I also like the fact that he admitted it was his emotional state and not manipulation or game playing that stopped him from calling.

So I do consider this some kind of progress. I will wait for him to contact me.

I went on the job interview today. I was running late and I decided half way there to not go. I figured they wouldn't want me if I was late. But I changed my mind and called my agency. They said to go anyway. The hiring manager didn't seem upset. I did admit that I misjudged the amount of time it would take so I took responsibility. It was a good interview and I definitely can do the job. The company appeals to me. Yes, I would like this job. I'm prepared to accept it if they offer. I'm also prepared to not be offered the job. I'd be OK with that too.

I'm studying for my upcoming confirmation. I'm very excited about that.

I've been eating well and have lost 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I still need to get more sleep. I've started drinking more water.

I've also been continuing to read DR. Had an epiphany yesterday that H will never become the person I want him to be. I need to accept that he's never going to be an alpha male/leader. I need to accept that he's never going to be the moral pillar of my church. I need to accept that he's never going to make more money than me (unless I don't work and that causes other problems). I need to accept that he's never going to want to have a child with me. I need to accept that his health is not great. I need to accept that he's always going to be overemotional. I need to accept that he's always going to be wistful about his past. I need to accept that he likes being away from me. I need to accept that he is who he is.