Shelly, I agree in principle, but I can understand that sometimes, if someone is ashamed of their past behavior, they don't want to keep talking about it. I would be willing to give him some leeway on the "talking about the past" if he would be doing other things that allow me to feel more secure.
Talking is the first test of commitment TT. If he can't even manage that, you can't trust him anymore.
No one is suggesting that he has to keep talking about it forever. There SHOULD be a termination date for questions. He should not be in a dog house forever. But at the moment, he refuses to even step inside of it for a day.
You expect this guy to tough out marital repair when he is so spineless he won't even talk about the damage he's done?
THIS is his proof of commitment. If he can't even talk about what he's done, then he can't be trusted not to repeat it. The talking is how he demonstrates sincere maturity and growth.
At the moment, he's showing NONE.
And yes, there are other things he can do of course, but he's not doing THEM EITHER now IS HE?
Sorry, but he's NOT overwhelming anyone with confidence in any maturity or change on his part here. And if he's not matured or changed, he's just going to cheat again.
Refusing an offer from an OP to cheat is HARDER than talking about having cheated in the PAST. THIS guy can't even talk about the damage he's done.
What's the chances he's able to fight OFF temptation later when he won't put up a fight to help YOU NOW?
