Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

No substance abuse problems. In fact one thing he seems to have a line with is alcohol. OW okay, drinking and drugs not. I would not be surprised about porn right now, but that was not something he did before, and not something I know if he is doing now.

He has been very committed to me before this. Very affectionate, caring, concerned and loving. He put me on a pedestal. People would remark that not only did he love me, but clearly really liked me and adored me. Other couples would comment they wish their relationship was like ours. He made a lot of sacrifices to make it possible for us to be married. We are coming up on 13 years of marriage.

The trigger is what I'm not sure about. We had a close nit group with two other couples who we did stuff with multiple times per week. Both of their marriages fell apart and D two years ago. I see MLC signs in one of the H and in the other W. The H in said case went extreme. Blowing over $100k in 18 months, alcoholic, drugs, women. We were very close to these other couples and i was the sounding board friend for both LBSs. Only other thing is my H father's health isn't too great, but nothing lasting, althought a few trips to hospital. H's father has suffered from depression for years and not worked for 20+ years due to depression/anxiety. Also my H was not happy in job for past few years but I pushed him into a new field last April. He is very happy in new job now, but was still depressed and unhappy, so his reasoning went to me.

I haven't seen an attorney yet, but done a lot of research. I have control of all money going in and out and have alerts on credit. H has been very good about money. Spending is not out of the ordinary and he tells me about stuff he is buying or anything I might question on CC. I don't ask or question him about spending. I felt that was too motherly. He doesn't even spend money on OW, like paying for lunches. I think he knows that is one thing I would seek legal action on immediately if he started spending, but I never said that to him.

I agree. I am not letting him back without lots of consistent postivie changes and actions. It's easier when I'm not around him.