It certainly is gratifying when someone runs to you with exuberance. It is fun to play chase too. I am finding being a Grandparent very gratifying. Perhaps it is because I am more confident in these interactions than I was as a parent. I find myself calm, much less reactive and more in the moment. I get to have fun. The old adage of handing the child back for a diaper change does not apply as I babysit. She loves her baths.
IDK, I think X’s venom and acting out stems more from her inability to find the peace and happiness she sought. I am out of the picture and I believe she still has the same struggles. She is using different coping mechanisms. I do not believe she has found peace with her decision and I believe she continues to rely upon external stimuli for happiness. She is not a whole person yet, perhaps she never will be.
This does not affect my day to day. It affects me indirectly through family. DIL is having a difficult time. She has intimated some of the antics that have occurred. I think she is trying to vent some frustration and I try to just let her. It is not a burden I will bear. X and I will be forever linked through the children and grandchildren. While X’s issues never were mine to solve it would be nice if she could treat our adult children as adults. That issue is between the kids and her. That pot is boiling how they deal with it is their business.
Reflecting back I recalled a time when I was certain she was having a MLC. I read several posts cautioning against using this as an excuse to not do the work, so I shelved it and worked on me. I am much better than I was. I returned to my roots. For a time I thought to use this as a ploy. X fell in love with a cocky confident Marine. I would exude that persona and she would not be able to contain herself or so I hoped.
The result of this is I am more that person now than I was two years ago. I have returned to my roots with thirty years of experiences to boost my confidence. I am not running a tough mudder this year, but maybe next. My son is doing a little recon this year. “Not as lean, not as mean, but still a Marine” Returning to my roots has boosted my professional life. My career is more exciting than it has been in years. Responsibilities and projects I find interesting are tracking along. It is a matter of reaching out and making it happen.
What does this have to do with reflecting on whether X is MLC or not? She is and after a few minutes reflecting on her latest antic and its affects I no longer care.
A friend recently described finding some reminders of his relationship, missing his spouse and moving on. I thought my reply might make for a post here.
FWIW
Recently I spoke with a friend who is long divorced, 23yrs. He told me he has not stopped loving the person he married. She just doesn't exist anymore. Someone else took her place and he is glad he is not married to her now. If that makes any sense. I understand what I am trying to articulate I may not be doing that very well.
I also miss the person I married and I am glad I am no longer associated with the person presently inhabiting her body.
I also find land mines. There have been a few bouncing Betties. Mostly toe poppers these days. I recently decided to embrace one.
Several years ago, as a V day gift X presented me with a coffee cup singing my praises. When she was feeling particularly loving that cup would make an appearance. That barometer hit several lows the last year we were together. I thought to toss it recently, but decided to keep it as a reminder. Not of what has been lost. Rather that she loved me for a time and she was not so unique or special that someone else will not in the future.
Besides someday we might be cordial enough to sit and sip coffee in the same room. I have the perfect cup. (Insert evil laugh.)
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
