She plays music or wears headphones all the freakin time which drives me crazy because I know it is just to tune the world out. She never listened to music before.
OMG, just got shivers down my spine. That is the exact same thing my W did! She never listened to much music before, mostly in the car but it's small town so only a few minutes driving most days. Anyway, she had been increasingly wearing them for a number of months prior to BD, not enough for me to think it was odd as she was starting to workout all the time. Post-BD, always had headphones on, and I mean always. That's one off the main reasons I refer to her as zombie W. I remember shortly after BD her crying and saying she felt like she was not her own person, like I dominated her and never gave her own life (I didn't know that was mine to give?). She said at the time sobbing "I don't even have my own music!!". I suppose that's my fault too, mean SOB that I am. I even asked one time why she was doing it, she explained politely it was so she didn't have to hear me (or the children collaterally). I suspect there are other voices as well she is trying to drown out. When I have them , the kids have mentioned "mom and her head phones", so I know she has not stopped this behavior. They have even had to ask her to turn down the music (all modern pop songs) in her car! Nutty.
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I will not leave. I very well may become bat-sh#t crazy ( if not already) but I will not leave the house. I have said many times that it probably would be easier if we were not around each other but in the long run maybe it will be a positive thing. Who knows?
If I had known in early December what I know now, I probably wouldn't have left either, especially now that W is saying our "trial" separation was meant to be for me to get "adjusted" to living on my own in prep for a D. In 3 weeks she went from saying she wasn't sure and there was plenty of time to demanding a D so I can move on and find someone to make me happy. I've stopped trying to interpret the space signals a while ago. J
Me42 W41 D10,D15 T25 M23 LYBNILWY 09/12 OEA 08/12(?)-ended? 01/13 Sep 01/13 I file 04/13 1rst D hearing 06/13 Currently in mediation
Isn't it crazy the same stories you hear on here from people? You mentioned that she accused you of being so mean? At BD for me, my W brought up things that happened in high school. High School!! Are you kidding me! I started thinking tonight after my wife stormed off upstairs because D4 was stressing her out, that I do feel sorry for her. She is so unhappy with everything. Her relationship with the kids is iffy. She is a great mother but she has no patience with them anymore. It is all very sad. I honestly believe that if she did leave she would still not be happy. There is much more going on than her just being unhappy with me.
J, one difference I do see between our sitch's is that your W says she is not lonely. My W says she is terribly lonely. Says she does not know if she is lonely for me or lonely for affection in general. How about that for a statement? I can't interpret half of what she says or does so I should stop trying. Thanks for the input and allowing me to vent.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
J, one difference I do see between our sitch's is that your W says she is not lonely. My W says she is terribly lonely. Says she does not know if she is lonely for me or lonely for affection in general. How about that for a statement? I can't interpret half of what she says or does so I should stop trying. Thanks for the input and allowing me to vent.
My W also says she is so, so happy. She goes to great lengths to tell me every time we talk and with her friends. One friend of hers told me when they went out for coffee, W said it over and over again and was crying a little. Her friend finally pointed out that truly happy people don't say it all the time or while crying in public like that. I don't think they have spoken about much since. I sincerely think she does feel happy!!, sometimes at least. I also think it's a defense mechanism and that creepy, anxious grin she developed since BD is not natural to her and soon it will fade. Time will tell. J.
Me42 W41 D10,D15 T25 M23 LYBNILWY 09/12 OEA 08/12(?)-ended? 01/13 Sep 01/13 I file 04/13 1rst D hearing 06/13 Currently in mediation
Most of the time I don't think the WAS is happy. Sure there are probably things that are better once they leave but they are usually leaving alot behind.
Today was wierd. W started the day cold and aloof. As the day went on she opened up more and was showing more of her nice side. She turned over in bed just now to just say goodnight. That does not happen very often.
I have a hard time acting "as if" when my wife is acting cold/mean. It just hurts to see that she is not herself and it hurts when someone you love so dearly does not return that love.
People who have followed my sitch know that we still ML (not nearly as often) and I think I am thankful for that. What I miss the most though is the everyday affection like hugs, a hand on a knee, a pat on the back for no reason. The little moments that shows someone cares. You really don't know what you've got until it's gone.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
I'm in a similar situation guys. My WAW is more unhappy than ever. And yeah, there's a new creepy grin and strange look on her eyes sometimes. It's like she's a whole different person. How did this happen?
Most of the time I don't think the WAS is happy. Sure there are probably things that are better once they leave but they are usually leaving alot behind.
Today was wierd. W started the day cold and aloof. As the day went on she opened up more and was showing more of her nice side. She turned over in bed just now to just say goodnight. That does not happen very often.
I have a hard time acting "as if" when my wife is acting cold/mean. It just hurts to see that she is not herself and it hurts when someone you love so dearly does not return that love.
People who have followed my sitch know that we still ML (not nearly as often) and I think I am thankful for that. What I miss the most though is the everyday affection like hugs, a hand on a knee, a pat on the back for no reason. The little moments that shows someone cares. You really don't know what you've got until it's gone.
I agree, it is very tough when the small things don't happen. Be thankful that you still share a bed and ML on occasion. I sometimes see a cold start to the day with a warmer finish but that is the guilt side coming to the surface for whatever reason.
My W also says she is so, so happy. She goes to great lengths to tell me every time we talk and with her friends.
Sounds like she's trying to convince herself she's happy. It's been less than 2 months since she left, there is just no way she could have found true happiness so soon. Anyone that's not miserable about their sitch less than 2 months after S is lying to themselves, doesn't matter whether it's the WAS or LBS, both are affected deeply by a S.
Originally Posted By: Grizz
What I miss the most though is the everyday affection like hugs, a hand on a knee, a pat on the back for no reason. The little moments that shows someone cares. You really don't know what you've got until it's gone.
So true. If I was in the living room with my feet propped up on the footrest, whenever W would pass by she would reach down and pinch my toe and I would say "ouch!" Such a silly little thing, but of all things THAT was what I found myself missing after BD. It's the small gestures like those that say "I love you" and when they go away it creates a huge void.
AS, the little things are definitely what I miss most.
Pollack and J, my W will flash me a very quick fake grin/smile when she passes me in the hall. It is really weird.
The only real difference in my sitch now compared to 3 months ago is W is nowhere near as angry with me. Anger was her primary feeling initially. The anger is now much less but her overall feelings of wanting to leave still seem to be in place.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Music and headphones - Check "I am finally happy" - Check Cold w/no affection - Check Still sleeping in same bed - Check Wall down center of bed - Check Still ML - uh..No Working out like crazy - Check
I see all of her behavior as an attempt to justify her decisions. She can't be warm to me, I need to be evil. She has to be happy, or it signals her choices are not turning out how she expected. She doesn't want to leave the house or bed, because she is afraid of change.
