It's pretty long and I can't imagine anyone wanting to read it all, but might make a pretty good Lifetime movie. At least that is what my divorce lawyer said. How sad is it that I am the unwilling star in this drama.
To summarize, in August H said he was unhappy, and asked for more space, counseling, more freedom...I took heed and did 180s to perfection. H said he noticed and acknowledged that I had made some pretty dramatic changes. Things were going "great" lots of sex, intimacy, great communication..and then out of the blue H filed for divorce in early December and then with some persuading to go to counseling with me...and though he was "checked out" he was working through the exercises, making plans for future events, building trust and communication...it was not all sunshine and butterflies, but if felt like we were making baby steps towards some kind of reconciliation. Christmas, birthdays, family gatherings, outings, all harmonious, enthusiastically attended.
Feb 1st H came home, kissed me hello, had dinner and as soon as the boys were in bed, told me he was having an affair and walked out with the clothes on his back, not telling our two boys, ages 8 and 5 that he was leaving.
It was and remains confusing and heartbreaking for all 3 of us. The boys are devastated and to add insult to injury, H revealed that the OW was my friend and across the street neighbor, the mother of my S8's best friend. Ouch.
H moved in across the street. Sneaking in and out after dark. OW's son was sworn to secrecy about mommy's new boyfriend (H). We continue to go to therapy and some heavy-duty psychotherapy. Psychotherapist some how impressed upon H that it was very harmful for the boys to have no idea where Daddy was, so he moved into my deceased mother's empty home. In theory. He hasn't spent one single night there since he "moved in" on Friday night. still sneaking around.
yesterday was President's day and I thought H was at my mom's. A block from our house, S8 spotted H's car and said--hey, that's Daddy's car--what is it doing here if he is at grandma's? I muttered some explanation. told H. He said he would be more careful.
H is still going to therapy. So am I. My kids start tomorrow. I wish this whole nightmare would end. It hasn't even been 3 weeks yet and I am devastated. I would still take H back. He is coming over tonight to see the boys and bring us dinner. Very hard. very very hard.
So confused. I want him back but not right away. I want him to be remorseful. I want his new relationship to fail. and I KNOW I have no power over any of this. I KNOW I need to get up and move on. But he is ACROSS the street. It is so hard, being so vulnerable, seeing OW come and go, I feel taunted and humiliated. I am so certain that the boys will find out. I think they already suspect in some unconscious way.
We are going through with the divorce...I don't want it...but the pressure is coming from him. I am cooperating as it might make things better for the boys in the long run. Or not. I have read here many times to trust nothing what he says and only half of what he does (or something like that). That is exactly where I am right now.
Does anyone have ANY words of advice? Any tips? I feel like a zombie. Still in shock. When does it feel normal? I haven't even told but a very few friends, though fairly certain the neighbors know by now. He's not really as discreet as he thinks he is.
