Hey, CV. Sorry I disappeared on you. I left again... drove off... fast.
It's funny about what you said about purging. I think, it's a subconscious thing, to get to the next step. In the weeks prior to me leaving, I, too, cleaned out so much stuff and ended up paying a lot of money to have it all removed. People kind of asked me about what I was doing. Only I don't really think I could have articulated it at the time. But I was getting ready, I guess. Perhaps that is what you are doing too.
There are never any guarantees, CV. There's no way that anyone can tell you whether you are making a mistake or not. You won't get to find that out until later. Stinks, but just what is. The best we can do is make the best decision we can with the information given. I cried a lot during my 12 hour drive. I cried a lot leading up to that drive. But today, I have some relief that I haven't felt in a long time. It's been a long 2 days as my H has been calling and is remorseful and for the first time he's saying he wants to get treatment. If he does, that is a great thing. However, I fear it also. I am afraid of moving forward, don't get me wrong. BUT, I feel stronger today, more peace today... for the first time in a long time I feel hope for something better... different, but better. If he does indeed go get treatment, I don't know, I know me, I'll feel an obligation to go and help. But, I am becoming more afraid of that dark place that is my life with him. And you know, CV, maybe that is what it will get to with you. The place with your H will get so dark that anything else would be preferable.
