Raine - sorry you are going through this. Your H does sound like a MLC setup (turning 35, having an affair, wife gets pregnant, feels trapped and flees, acting like a teenager) - but - also wondering, as you look back, do you see any other explanations for his behavior?
- does he have substance abuse issues (or other addictions like compulsive gambling or porn) that appeared earlier?
- did he ever show signs of being love avoidant or commitmentphobic earlier in your relationship?
- did he experience a death of a friend, or go on medications that might have changed his personality?
I've just finished reading a book on commitment phobics called He's Scared She's Scared. My friend recommended it to me because of my post-divorce pattern of dating men who are seriously Love Avoidant. (Surprise, surprise - it's because I'm not currently anxious to get into a serious relationship again).
But I was kinda surprised to see some of my ex-husband in that book - I would never have pegged him as an avoidant, in fact he often wanted a little too much closeness for my liking - but he definitely had some of the characteristics.
Which brings me to your H - his method of abrupt exit reminds me of some of the stories in the book, so makes me wonder if he might fit some of the rest of the description - you might want to check it out.
Meanwhile - I don't know if you've seen an attorney yet, but if not, I highly recommend that you do. It doesn't mean you have to file for divorce (you've got enough on your plate right now anyway!) but you need to find out what steps to take to protect yourself financially from your H. Also, if you haven't run a credit check, do so - sometimes guys with this crazy behavior are hiding something, like huge credit card bills or the like.
This may be a temporary, severe depression/mlc crisis for your H - OR it may be the final unveiling of a character disorder that was present all the time. Take some time to think back and figure out which it is. Temporary MLC crises can be recovered from. Narcissistic or avoidant personality disorders - not so much.
And either way, you and your kids deserve much better than this. If he triesa to come back, MAKE HIM DO THE WORK ON HIMSELF before you let him back into the house.
