Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

Act 1, Scene 1
Act 1, Scene 2

Recap: 7 months post BD, 4 months separated. He has done a 180 on life:

• Left me pregnant with sons 2, 6, 8
• Abandoned kids: Spent an average of 12 hours per month with kids last 3 months. Can't handle periods greater than 2-3 hours with them.
• 3xOW, cycling between all three at the same time. All being used as F buddies. No remorse, no apologies when caught by others with OW. Hides and lies about all of them. Doesn't know I know about #2 or #3. He avoids OW#1 for long periods of time when caught or who knows why, but has cycled back to her three times.
• Dropped religion: Hasn't been to church since S. Very active before.
• Dropped friends: Rare contact with old friends. Has new friends.
• Avoids his family: Doesn't contact his family, and they rarely contact him. Beginning of our marriage H would say that his father was his BFF. Now H can't talk about him without tearing up or getting very angry.
• Will not talk to anyone about sitch. Tells friends/family he is great. Tells me he can't talk to anyone, that no one knows what's going on inside his head.
• Seems pretty happy the majority of the time. Looks like crap most of the time. Sounds completely out of it if kids call him vs him calling them. Goes through spurts of going out a lot, staying out late, to other periods of time always staying home watching TV for days on end.
• Stays connected to me through various means, rarely misses a day of some kind of contact. No R talks. No arguments. No questions. He mentioned D only once two months ago to me, but says D needs to happen to those who don't know me. Super nice to me always. Wants me to be involved when there with the kids. Talks about me, brags about me to others, refers to me as wife. Very insecure about me and how I am reacting to him. Worried he is bothering me and he says he'll leave me alone.
• Has not mentioned baby since BD

Questions:

• Since I keep reading in other sitches that we really don't know if it's MLC until the process is complete, what else could it be?
• What's the main differences between a WAS and MLC? Do we treat them the same?
• How do I balance giving space and being the lighthouse/friend? How can I be there for him as a friend, but make him realize I'm not going to be there so he can have his single life and family life? Basically what I am doing is letting him control the contact and I'll get back to him then or at some point. Do I cut this down even more when he knows I know he is doing things with OW?