Why is it so hard for you to believe that the negatives in your character was enough to make her leave? Can you say for an absolute certainty that if you made love to your W the way she wanted that she would not have done this? If that's true then why is she still with OM and not with you? If it truly was just a sexual thing as yo tell us then that seems pretty simple to fix or are there missing pieces to the story?
When I have snooped on my wife and looked at her messages to her closest girlfriends, the friend is always saying "Wow, your H is wonderful! What happened?". The answer I have seen is "Yes he is a wonderful guy. He just doesn't seem to want me in a sexual way", or "We lost the passion in the bedroom". It hurts man, it really does. I love her so much and I couldn't show her that, with enough passion.
In the latest snooping where I saw the guy friend complaining about his marriage etc..There was a message from her childhood grilfriend who is a huge marriage advocate and has called me numerous times to see how she can help in my effort to reconcile. She had messaged my wife and asked her if she is happy now, since she has found someone who is an "animal" in bed.
hjer response was interesting. She said 'I'm not sure how I like it yet. Husband was so gentle in bed, and OM is kinda rough. I like the rough, but I also liked the gentle love making where we lose ourselves in it."
In hurt to read that message. Again I was reminded that she loved me, she really wanted everything to be perfect. She even enjoys the way Imake love to her, in a very loving way. I like to be gentle, to caress her body, and to take my time...more of an emotional event than a physical one. Now I am finding out that she likes that a lot, but it just wasnt enough frwquency. More importanlty than the frequency I think was the pursuing. She has always had kind of a self esteem issue, and she needs to be prusued and told how sexy she is etc.. like OM did. I wasn';t doing that. I thought she knew how I feel... its complacency at its finest.
So what is the "easy fix"? I have asked that question from the start. how do yuo show a wife who feels the marriage was sex starved, that you will MAKE SURE she gets more sex and more pursuing?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
