Last night I was looking thru threads and read suckerpunch's thread, particularly 25yearsmlc posts (sorry suckerpunch, that I don't really have good advice - I'm too lost myself - and I think you and I might be a lot alike) But several things really hit home. The post regarding from WAW to a LBS husband. I think my H does feel like he was ignored for a long time, devalued and treated like less important. I could come up with a million different excuses/reasons, but I suppose it really doesn't matter. I want him to feel valued, like his opinion matters, sometimes I just don't know how. As far as money, he has left all of the bill paying up to me, so do I really have a choice there? I can't help but be involved in opinions about buying cars/music equipment when I actually know how much money we have. (and I have suggested going thru the budget with him a million times, he isn't interested) Yes, I make plans and expect that you will be there- it's what family/friends do - if it was something that happened every week, maybe that would be different, but it's not nearly that often.

I have apologized for things that happened in the past, prior to baby, when we first got married, when he said I was emotionally not there etc. I do still think he blows it a little out of proportion. But I also explained to him long ago when we started dating that I have a hard time opening up, trusting and counting on anyone - I'm guessing this goes back to my parents getting divorced. So going into our marriage he knew these issues. And yes, so did I. And I try to overcome these things but it isn't easy - espeically when your H starts texting other women and ignoring you. But I have still apologized and said I can't change how it was but I can try to be better.

This post is just all over the place, sorry for that.

And now it feels like we are back to square one - the part of 25yearsmlc post about building up hope and getting crushed again - that he thinks he can never make me happy. Because I started less contact to protect my own emotions. Bcause I kept feeling like he was intentionally hurting me. But now he is cold and further away than ever. And I have know idea how to reverse this and follow DB. But me being distant just feels like 'more of the same' at this point.

Someone want to help a little? I know - this is all not written well and pretty sporadic. But maybe someone has some incite.

(as far as all of my earlier posts - I do still feel that H is somewhat MLC - I just know that I need to do something to show that I really do know my part - I have know idea how)