almost 3 months....seems like eternity

[labug]

my W also played a role, one equal to or worse than mine in actuality. While I was willing and wanting to work on our M, wife chose to leave without putting in an effort.

Maybe your W thinks all those years you were demanding and hypercritical she was putting in an effort. Eventually she had had enough and then suddenly you wanted to work on the marriage.

That's why I wrote this: A headache seems like a little thing to kick her out over but I guess that's what the WA is reacting to when they BD, little drips of water over time and finally the dam breaks.

For years your actions were like the water drip and then one day your W decided she was done. Now you've stockpiled all these hurts and one little incident (the headache) and now you're done.

Now you're dragging up a bunch of stuff from the past, she never really worked, wasn't qualified for the salary, partied all day when she was supposed to be working, day care wasn't really a job. We cry foul when the WAS does this, why is it OK for a LBS to do it? The past is the past, if you didn't bring it up as a problem then, it's not a problem now.

And that's fine but everything you bring up is within your control to change and most of it isn't about her.
It's all about your anger and your need to be right and your fear that you might somehow be taken advantage of, she might get one over on you.

I would guess you were hypercritical because you were afraid your W would embarrass you in some way.

You don't want to be what you perceive as humiliated. That's your issue, in your control.