Must say it feels so good to know somebody out there is in fact interested in my blatherings.
My H got a motorcycle.... but its blue.
Inside out is an apt description. (Gutted is another...)
Can't stand the ow. Can't stand being valued so little by someone I have spent nearly half my life trying to please; choosing to love despite his behavior.
I told H that. I can handle the other stuff. The distance, the need for "space", the gambling every weekend, the fixation on his folks, the anger, all of that is manageable. The ow is the final straw.
Can't do it.
Won't do it.
But. HAH. He won't leave.
Yet anyway.
Being the "alpha" male he probably hasn't gone simply because I asked him to. Lol. He's a prisoner of his machismo - its not over until HE says its over.
IDK about this gift of time. Seems to me like just more time roasting in hellfire... and for what? H has established a pattern for the last 20 years of being, in HIS words, "mean" to me - IN ADDITION TO CHEATING. What is it I should be waiting for? Another 20 years like the last 20? No thank you.
Not only do I not see a light at the end of the tunnel, I don't even believe a light exists.
Sorry to be so dark. Feeling rather dark these days. About him anyways.
But there's some good bits in my life too.
When I started here at DB I was unemployed. Now I have 2 jobs! One of which I really really like!
Having weekends free of H has been good for S19 I think. They don't get along, H treats S19 somewhat like he treats me. When H is gone S19 actually comes out of his room and spends time with the fam.
Have to run.
Thanks again for stopping by. Thank you to everyone who takes time out of their day to connect. It really means a lot to me. You can't even know what a difference it makes to me.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
