So sorry to hear this. Based on what you describe above it seems pretty clear that you've been unable to detach so far. It's really important that you detach to rebuild your self-esteem, pride and PMA. You are valuable and you are a great person, but you're having trouble seeing it right now because of your sitch. Michele says in DR that it's important to remember that this person you are right now is not the real you, it's a person that is sad/ angry/ depressed/ in pain due to your sitch. So try and detach so you can find the real you again.
Thank you AS, yes I have not completely detached. However I am in a much better place than I was a few months ago. I feel like I cannot trust her anymore after all that has been said to me. I think mainly there is fear of the future, I feel like I'm staring into a dark pit. I need to set a course of action and get to it.
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That's good, but don't forget to include YOU time too. I think a lot of us feel guilty about spending time for just us, we feel like we're being selfish. But in some of the books I read the point was constantly being made that if we neglect that "us" time then we can't become fully independent and self-sufficient and content in life. When I finally said "screw selfishness, I'm going to start enjoying myself" that's when I finally started appreciating life again. It's not just about being the perfect parent or perfect employee or perfect spouse, it's about having FUN too! And you can't be perfect at anything if you're not also enjoying life.
Perfection is overrated, If we are doing anything we are making mistakes. It's what we do after the mistake that counts. Your right I need some me time and I'm going to Alaska this summer for me nephew's wedding and as his bachelor party he has set up a two day fishing excursion. I thought about not going but... AS you changed my mind. It's time for a little me time lol. I also am going to purchase a motorcycle, probably a Honda as they are a lot cheaper than a Harley, I'll trade up to a Harley when I have more discretionary money.
Thank you bug, ruby and SD your support means a lot. SD we need to go bird watching together some time lol, I'm still living vicariously through you.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
