Still working on me

[sweetbabyred]

I'm so happy to be reading about S's that seem to finally be thinking about working on their M's They all seem scared, but at least they're making an effort to try.

I was feeling pretty down the other night, but today it's in the 70s and sunny, so I'm feeling better. School is stressing me out, so I can't worry about my sitch with H right now.

I spoke with MIL last night, and she mentioned H for the first time in months. Usually we just talk about us and don't even mention him.

She says he doesn't speak to her very often, because he doesn't like it when she tells him what he doesn't want to hear. She told me that she's never told him to go back to me, even though he thinks she has, or to leave, but that if he'd made the choice, he needed to go ahead and file so we could both move on.

So it seems that she's telling him the same thing I am. If he's done, then file. And she's upset that he hasn't paid back any of his debt, especially when she knows he's broke because he goes out all of the time.

I realized that he still has enough in his retirement account to pay his debts, possible taxes, and the filing fee. So I'll wait until April or May and then force his hand. He took money out to pay off his furniture debt, so he can do it again. I'll remind him that if OW is so jealous of me, they can get rid of me completely by paying off the debt and getting a D.

I'd kept waiting, hoping that he'd figure out what he wanted. But after almost two years, I'm thinking that he doesn't want to let go of me completely, but he may never come back. I can't live like that.

I don't think he'll do anything until he's forced to. So when the filing is done, he can decide if he's going to go along with it or if he does want me in his life. And I'll be okay no matter what he decides. My MIL told me that, even if he did come crawling back, which she thought wasn't very likely now, she'd totally understand if I turned him away.

Who knows? Maybe he'll have a change of heart like some of the other MLCers on here. A lot could happen in the next two months. He's on a journey and I can't tell him where to end up.