Thanks BD. yep, that is what d10 is getting. I feel bad for you that you went through that and the scars are still there. She really does not understand the impact she is having on her relationship with d10. She overtly sides with d14 in their disputes. W also says to me that d10 is just like me. She thinks she is taking a shot at me but really it is at d10.
In California, when a parent bad mouths the other parent during a divorce, it's called "Parental Alienation" and one can lose custody for doing it too much.
(So the joke is, "If you want to call your spouse a %@*#%#~!!!!, you have to stay married...
ba da bum!)
Especially in this situation where the w actively take out her anger on D10 for the flaw of "being like her dad".
Very damaging. It'll hurt w's chances in court of getting more custody. (Even in Canada).
I agree it's a shot at d10 even if not intended as such. Basically puts your w's anger in front of all else.
FM Dig deep enough to KNOW your flaws- and that Whatever she says about you that is true, you need to own and work on.
But what she says that is NOT true...don't own.
It's not easy but it is simple (not complicated, but not easy). I use this analogy.
A street man, homeless guy who lived on a grill, used to see me at my subway stop and really let me have it. I was a L downtown and for some reason I must have triggered some memory in him b/c he'd target me for some really vulgar comments. No, i did NOT know him!
Point is, I let it bother me for months. I'd avoid his area, I'd look at what I was wearing and wonder if the outfit reminded him of someone bad, or if my make up was too much, etc.
Finally it dawned on me that the homeless man was insane and didn't know me at all. His "data" about me, was not real.
It did not matter. His "reasons" for it, or his triggers had nothing to do with me.
If you KNOW you've owned your stuff (and that's not always easy) and are working on it -and anything you are working on is being handled so it's not a problem now. (Like alcoholics who are in recovery. Yes they have a problem with alcohol, but it's being "handled") it's not a problem now....make sense?
You cannot let her stuff in...but you must be there for your d's.
IF you have truly done your best to become the best FM you can,
then keep doing that and leave the results up to God,
and go in peace, holding your head high.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
