^^^Excellent advice from Tallula in the last several posts!! I agree completely. Maintain your distance, don't initiate any R talks, but if your W brings it up then listen and validate. Do not argue/ reason/ explain/ beg/ plead/ negotiate!! Just listen and validate. Mirror back her emotions to her. "You sound anxious, is that how you feel?" If yes, then "Yes, I can understand why this would make you feel anxious." You're not agreeing or disagreeing, just validating. When my W said she wanted to leave I told her something like "well I would rather you stay here and work on the M with me, but most of all I want you to be happy and if you feel that leaving is what will make you happy then I support your decision and will help in whatever way I can." I can't tell you how hard that was to say when every fiber of my being wanted to say "NO!!!! You HAVE to stay!! You can't leave! Don't you see what a stupid decision that is??? Stay, it is the only way you will be truly happy!! I've changed!! Stay and see how much I've changed and how much better things will be!!!" The former statement opened the cage door and set her free. The latter statement would have made her feel even more caged in and miserable. The former was validating, the latter would have been pressure.
