I am so sorry you have to struggle with this. I am frequently appalled by how life can "pile on"...I am always impressed by the people that come out of it.
I wanted to give you a point of view to consider, hoping that it may help you process your experience.
I was the unfaithful one in my relationship. I'm coming to think of the affair experience as something akin to an addiction.
It is so overpowering, so euphoric that it colors everything you see. You suddenly can't remember how you made it through the world without it...and then it starts to eat everything around you......all your relationships, your job, your finances, everything.
When faced with this, some people see that its the addiction that caused it, some people believe that its is everything else but the addiction.
When you deal with the addict all that can be done is help them understand the consequences of their choices and make sure the road back is paved and open. Its up to them to see the addiction for what it is; you can't force them.
Otherwise all you can do is detach, keep your part of the road clear of debris, and try to keep yourself well.
