This is a key time, as you probably already know. Not sure yet if you put together your short list of "dealbreakers" ahead of time -- for the eventuality of this day coming at some point -- but only you know what they are. I usually encourage some combination of most of these:
1. No-contact letter sent to OM, the copy of which is to be approved by you and the letter itself is to be delivered by you (so that nothing is added or subtracted from it).
2. Full transparency. This means she changes her e-mail address(es) and gets a new one, and shares the password with you. Ditto with her cellphone bill -- detailed billing to YOU.
3. Full-panel STD test, the results shown to you (your sig says "EA/PA", so if there's even ANY doubt as to whether or not their relationship got physical, and you do NOTHING else -- do this).
4. Marriage counseling with a good MC/FT specifically trained in dealing with infidelity. Can't stress this one enough, but there are going to be things that are specific to both the formerly-cheating spouse and the betrayed spouse, that you each will need to help you recover your marriage.
5. Retrouvaille? It's excellent.
6. Absolutely 100% no-contact with OM. Any attempts he has at contacting her, she should tell you about.
I would encourage you to decide now -- ahead of time, and in the quiet of your heart, afa -- how many "strikes" you are going to allow as far as re-contact with OM goes. One, but only if she self-confesses? One, even if you have to find out about it but she tells you the truth when you ask her? Two? More/other?
Just like the "short list of dealbreakers" I mention above, this last item is something I encourage betrayed spouses to do AHEAD OF TIME, when you are calm. You don't want to be making potentially marriage- and life-altering decisions in the emotional "heat of the moment" one day when you find out your wife has re-contacted OM, and perhaps lied to you about it.
