She said, that the reason he is not writing it is because he is also working his 12 step program. Funny cuz H also gave me the same reason. This part I would need more clarification from him when I bring it up again. This is mind reading but I think writing the letter disrupts his serenity. The same reason I hesitated to bring up the topic. It also disrupted my serenity.
Sorry, but "Oh please." YOUR serenity has ALREADY been disrupted, by your husband's affair. HIS serenity -- his entire world -- NEEDS some disruption now, as he cleans up his mess.
It's really as simple as that. Put another way, you lovingly but firmly say (if this is indeed even his reason -- like you said, you are mindreading): "Look, I realize this makes you very uncomfortable, and I don't know what to tell you about that. I can only tell you what I need in a marraige going forward, where there has already been infidelity, and this is what I need. I guess you have a decision to make." It's not your job to rescue him from his feelings of discomfort, brought on as the natural consequence of the destructive choices he has made thus far. That's HIS job.
