Diving in with my eyes closed

[2chiquitos]

Yes! Starsky! I love that book. It's helped me out so much!

I need to add that I gave H the book Sat night and marked the page on how to rebuild trust. I said, I want you to know I'm not making this stuff up. He said (in a very genuine way) I'll read it. And I know you're not making this up. He said it again today (sunday).

I also need to add that when I brought up the letter a 2nd time it really disrupted my serenity. I've learned that when I bring up a delicate topic with a lot of forethought, I remain focused in my talk. The "aftermath" isn't as emotional and I get my point across. *I actually communicate.*

This wasn't the case Sat morning.

I will bring up this topic again, possibly tomorrow. As I said before, I find us coming closer and closer towards each other every day. Today (sunday) was amazing. We spent the day together and we both enjoyed it so much.

However, that d@mn letter holds me back from wanting to be closer to him. I need to say this in a nonthreatening way. Where I don't throw out resentment to defend myself. Where I'm not shaking as I talk. I get more across and I stay focused on the topic when I'm much more collected.

I talked to another longtime member of my program. I wanted her to clarify what my sponsor said. She said that asking for the letter should be in the form of a request. Not a demand. This I'm aware of however I do find myself demanding it.

She said, that the reason he is not writing it is because he is also working his 12 step program. Funny cuz H also gave me the same reason. This part I would need more clarification from him when I bring it up again. This is mind reading but I think writing the letter disrupts his serenity. The same reason I hesitated to bring up the topic. It also disrupted my serenity.

Thank you Starsky for following up with me :-)