Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[MrBond]

"I kind of despise myself for not being mad enough and wanting to forgive so fast. "

Seriously? Your behavior has shown that you didn't "forgive" her for anything. In fact, her reasons were valid and were not "wrong". Once you actually start looking things through her eyes, you'll stop wondering what to do and know.

" how do I start this new episode? "

You actually start doing what everyone's been recommending you do. Especially 25's suggestions. You focus on yourself and your son and you start developing compassion and understanding for your W.