Rinse, repeat, replay

[Raine]

What I want to do is when he tells me he is going, I'll just say no. You need to be here for the kids during that time. But if he protests, saying that he has to because work requires it, that's when it gets iffy. What I feel like saying is I doubt that. Sorry work is not going to require you to travel after a baby is born. What I want to say is someday you will wake up from all of this covered in regrets. And the last regret you should have is walking out on me and the kids when we needed you most and using that time to do things that will hurt us even more.

What I want to do? Call the OW's husband. Call H's boss, who likely doesn't even know I'm pregnant. Patience [censored]. Sitting back and watching my H strapped to a bomb [censored].

It would be so nice is if OWH found out. I really do feel bad for him and their little one.

This betrayal, if it goes through will cut deepest of all. I know he doesn't care about me or the kids right now. His actions show that. I do have a lot of people around me to help. It sad seeing everyone else picking up pieces for him.

H called me the other night at midnight. I was nearly asleep and just let it go. But when he started calling over and over, I thought something was wrong and answered it. He wondered if he woke me and I said yes. He said he needed XYZ from the house for tomorrow and if he should come now or in the morning. I said it didn't matter just let me know so I wasn't freaked out by the door opening at this time. He said maybe he should come then just to do that. He wondered if the boys would be upset if he came then and didn't see him. I said I don't think they'd be bothered. (Very true. The kids don't ask about him anymore.) So that part of the convo must have taken 5 mins for him to decide to come in the morning. Then he wanted to talk about other things. Then he wanted me to tell him where to go get something to eat. The only suggestion I made is something not greasy at that hour. He was kind of flirty and a lot of jokey with me. Something I said made him really laugh. This is so different for me. I feel like I have two of him that I'm dealing with and I'm not being honest with either one.