A Tale of Two Cities

[QueenOhHearts]

Another update. Again, another day with no sign of the promised phone call. I am grateful for that because it really confirms that my instincts are still working. Just imagine how awful I would feel right now if I had believed he would call and had waited on it......

I'm getting excited about a new future. One that I don't have to worry about making sure I don't do anything that would make H feel less like a man (like getting a job, paying the bills on my own, going on a vacation without him). It's like a quit living so that I wouldn't make him feel bad about his own failures to be mature and take responsibility.

I'm thinking more about the mistakes I have made not just in this relationship but in others. I do have amends to make to some people for my own growth. I think hand written letters are in order.

I'm enjoying my kids because I may not be with them full time much longer (if I go back to work). Trying not to stress about $$$ problems. I trust in God to provide what we need. I am now committed to going it on my own for now.

I feel comfortable and at peace with going dark. Definitely not feeling frantic anymore. That compulsive feeling to talk to H has passed. I'm sure it will return at some point but I plan to be more self-confident and busy.

I've been eating very healthy but still need to drink more water and go to bed earlier.

Re-reading DR. Each time I read it I get more detail. My focus right now is 1) GAL and 2) going dark. I don't want to take on much more.