I just got the 5 Languages Of Love and The Happiness Trap. Starting with the happiness trap today, looks like a good book. After the first chapter I fear that the only way I will get through this is to accept the fact that I may loss my marriage to my wife, yet I can be ok. The problem is I am still at I refuse to accept that I can loose my marriage and wife, it would be easier to cut off my left arm above the elbow with a rusty hack saw. So I guess I have some serious work to do. Act as if... Wow I applaud all of you who can do this, I just can't yet and idk how to get there. I am seriously obsessed with my wife and cant budge from it emotionally. I get it intellectually, but emotionally I am a mess. I dont know who to be OK with out her, I base everything on her being by my side and have for over 20 years. What a mess I am in.
Yes, you are in a mess. A lot of us have been in this state and I know for myself that I sometimes cycle back into that but don't let it control me and it doesn't last long.
I haven't read completely thru you thread but it sounds like you are emotionally dependent on your wife for your well being. Do you have friends you can confide in about what is going on. An outlet. A pastor. This website is good but it is really helpful to have some people you can discuss this with face to face. And not friends who will report back to your wife or take sides between you or your wife. Friends that will be supportive and compassionate and understanding.
Reading these books (Happiness Trap and 5LL) is good. I have read 5LL among other books. I wouldn't make conclusions from these books or think there will be an answer to your sitch on page 178. Just use the information in these books to grow as a person - for yourself. I do believe what I've learned in various books and this website have made me grow and change and my W has noticed it.
And I think it is also good from time to time to take a break from the books and this website and just get out and do stuff for yourself (and kids). Relax, breath, exercise.
Let go of catastrophic thinking. The only thing you can control is yourself and you will feel better if you don't obssess. You have got to quickly get yourself to a point where you know you will have a happy and fulfilling life with or without wife.
