If you were DONE, you'd not be posting as you are. Given you aren't DONE, why close the door on your M?
This is the deal. H had an affair. No reason to resist reality there.
Are you willing to try to heal the M? If so, do it.
-- STOP expecting H to mind read. -- STOP wanting H to magically change the past. He has not treated you to date as you would like. THAT is never going to change. Perhaps though, there is space for a healthy R in the future.
How about an email:
"H, I can make no promises, but I am open to seeing if we can heal our marriage. Here are some non-negotiables for me:
1 2 3
Here are some things I would like:
1 2 3
Please send similar lists to me. If we try this, we are in it together. We both have faults, we both have pain, we both have shame, we both need to heal. If we heal individually and together, then perhaps we have a chance after all."
