PF, I'm sorry for your W's behavior. I'm glad you plan to re-read DR. Remember to do things for yourself (and kids) and have no expectations from W.
Detaching and giving a lot of space will do you good. If at all possible don't allow your W to flaunt her happiness in front of you. Don't be present in such situations. You are in same house so maybe not easy to do.
You've got to remember that regardless of the outcome you will have a happy and fulfilling life. Remember to make yourself into the kind of person that only a fool would leave. If things don't work out then it's her loss.
This current version of your W, this one that is not what you married, you don't want that so detach yourself from that.
Regarding an ephiphany, I hope that comes but I believe that it will come after a lot of thought and patience. Which you have done. I know you don't want to hear this but maybe the epiphany is in your statements above ("My wife is a VERY determined individual who has always made it through any crisis in her life by just shutting off her emotions and becoming a "machine""). When you have seen your W just shut off her emotions, have you ever seen her warm back up? Or does she keep going in one direction?
