Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[25yearsmlc]

Hi 25yearsmic,
You are right, my lawyer said the alimony is not forever. Still, I find it unfair. The access times will be renegotiated end of June, so for the moment I'm stuck with that plan.

So do you know how long it'll be imposed? Does it also end in June?

I think You the court put your son in HIS best position b/c he doesn't know you well enough YET. That will change w/TIME...let time be your friend Bruce.

I said that if I went back to France now, it would be a different jurisdiction, and I'm not sure that from Canada she could do anything.

Any parent can flee a jurisdiction and hope the law isn't enforced...but you SAID you wanted time with your son...

---

Anyway, I didn't even mention to you the half of the property in France thing, because they want to plead it next time. We will plead unequal division, because it is obvious that when we married, I had all the money in my bank account, and she had 0. She can't three years after get away with several tens of thousands.
I was only mentioning for now, the sum of spousal support, plus the childcare she claims to pay to her mum {she can claim any number, that's where I don't get it}, plus child support, equals almost half of what I earn. But she works part time, and added to the money I have to give every month, she earns more than me!

Bruce, you are understandably upset and me explaining the reasons for the laws now, is NOT going to help either one of us.

A student that makes more than an engineer who works full-time!

So, thank you for your preliminary advice concerning my behaviour around her, I'll try and pretend it's okay for me to pay all of it every month...


THINK this out Bruce...what possible good does it do you to sulk around her NOW?

If she's evil, it'll make her happy that she "punished" you

but if she's sincerely just worried about her welfare & your son's (& he DOES benefit by the money, let's face it)

then you'd only look as if money was your priority AND when you don't get your way, you sulk and wallow in self pity.

You'll confirm her reasons for leaving. But you want to UNDERMINE those reasons, remember?

On our Thursday meeting, apparently, she agreed to drop our S every other time. (although she has been promising things and didn't keep her word in the past seven months), so we will be around each other, at least for 5 seconds at a time.

MAYBE she'll show up and maybe not...but I don't think you'll see her at all if she gets nervous about it OR thinks you are pressuring her in any way...or if you are too angry around her...

Now, do you think an email like that one is profitable at this point :

When you say "profitable", I KNOW you don't mean money.

But I'm not clear on the goal in contacting her now.

What's your goal this soon after a court hearing?

I would say nothing you don't have to say for now. And Bruce, I mean NOTHING.

LET HER initiate any/all contact
Hi W,
Mr. XXX (her L) is right in one thing, we will have to cooperate now and build trust between us. I will take the parenting course like I said, go by the rules we talked about and try and do my best. The idea of the S log book was a good one, and I got S one for us to write in it.

none of this^^ is necessary. OF course you'll take the parenting class, And of course you'll obey the rules the court imposed,

so why highlight what you MUST (or already agreed to) do?

Same as "try and do my best". As for the comment "idea of the S log book was good"--not sure whose idea it was,

but I think it sounds as if you are trying to compliment her or get a bonus point for some reason and, given what you just went thru, I don't see the reason for it.

It seems a little weird to me, since you are both angry. (But it's Just my gut)

Since we have to alternate picking ups and dropping offs, do you want to start on Tuesday, or should I begin?
Take care,
B.

MAYBE this^^^^ can be said, but only IF it's something you cannot resolve by other means. Why can't you call someone else to relay the information?

IF it were me, I'd let HER do the contacting or go through a 3rd party

b/c that would be the FIRST/ONLY time you'd have gone a different route and not contacted her directly...which always looks like pursuit or controlling behavior, to HER.


The other times looked like you were using an excuse to contact her and really, in a way, isn't this more of the same?

Since you know you MAY have to see her soon enough (IF she allows)

why push it now? I think It increases the chances that she won't see you.

B/C I think she'll pull back if she senses you STILL want contact with her...

don't give that to her right now.


If this is too "pursuing" at this stage (two days after hearing), knowing that she was super-sullen and looked very angry on Friday, any ideas of how I should hold the stick?

Alright my friends, any idea is welcome, just shoot, I'm all ears,
Bruce

What's that sentence mean? (Honestly I don't know what you mean by "Hold the stick". ) Can you explain or,

have we covered it enough?