Served

[dorightman]

Thx LaBug, I appreciate your support. Now if I have some luck keeping my w from getting us into mediation, I may be able to buy some time. W wants to do mediation and d ASAP. I've been asking her to please give me some time to do the work while we're separated. She feels like she can't trust any of my words because of my flip flopping. I'm afraid she will change the locks on our house after I move out because she has been acting very anxious and fearful. She is getting advice from divorced friends who have been through physical abuse.

I know I can't control her actions or thoughts, so I don't have a lot of hope.
My therapist believes I'll change with his help and he told me he wants to call her in after working with me for awhile.

I told her what he said and she acted defensively. She said she doesn't want to come in to work on the R. She's done.

[Mach1]

Sigh....

Duct tape works well...

Your therapist is for YOU, not her...

And you seeing him has ZERO to do with the marriage..

It has to do with YOU

Use him wisely....



The old marriage is gone, whether you Divorce or not.

Read that letter again...would YOU want to go back to that ????

Or would you rather take the time that you both need, to heal, and start fresh, with a relationship that you both want ???

While that isn't a guarantee, it is the only way a new relationship with her is gonna happen...

This is just another factor in your controlling tendencies...

You think that there is something wrong with her for feeling the way she does. And that it just needs..."fixed"

Stop worrying about her, and start taking care of your stuff...

[MrBond]

"I've been asking her to please give me some time to do the work while we're separated."

Why are you still even begging for this? Just do the work for yourself. Stop begging her for anything.

[MrBond]

Any news?

[dorightman]

I've been out of town for the last four days and I just got back home.
I spoke with W last night and she told me that the kids want to hang out with me.
She invited me for dinner tonight to hang out with the kids meet the family.
I will keep a positive attitude and continue to gal.

[Breakdown]

Sounds like a good opportunity to practice listening and validating, as well as keeping your own emotions under control. Enjoy it, but think of it as a test. Good luck!

[dorightman]

Thx Breakdown, Im calm, but unfortunately there's nothing to validate. She is set on D and is not talking to me about anything except my responsibilities with the kids.

[dorightman]

Being in the house is hard on me. Seeing W is hard on me. I think I need to separate myself from this because it's very painful for me. Even when w is friendly, it hurts because she is so unaffected and normal with the sitch.

I'am feeling sad around her & the kids and it's difficult to keep a smile on my face.

She see's me as the chains holding her back from her new better life. She see's our marriage as pain and suffering, and she dreams of her freedom after divorce.

How can I hold her back from her dreams? That wouldn't be an act of love.

[Breakdown]

You need to stop with all the mind reading and focus on you.

[needgrace]

hi dorightman,

i see some of my W in yours, the desire for freedom and the anger. i made a great many mistakes b focusing on her (her pain and fear) as i tried to forgive and let go... lately i realized that backfires if i don't focus on healing me first, that healing me is the only way to let go of her in a healthy way due to all of MY own fears. i have realized that those fears need to be addressed first, because the only way for me to let go in a healthy way is to find a way to be happy with me.

and i think you can do a form of listening and validating now by accepting where she is at right now (D) and not pushing for R.

i wish you well, DRM.