Confused by WAS

[JBolt]

She plays music or wears headphones all the freakin time which drives me crazy because I know it is just to tune the world out. She never listened to music before.

OMG, just got shivers down my spine. That is the exact same thing my W did! She never listened to much music before, mostly in the car but it's small town so only a few minutes driving most days. Anyway, she had been increasingly wearing them for a number of months prior to BD, not enough for me to think it was odd as she was starting to workout all the time. Post-BD, always had headphones on, and I mean always. That's one off the main reasons I refer to her as zombie W. I remember shortly after BD her crying and saying she felt like she was not her own person, like I dominated her and never gave her own life (I didn't know that was mine to give?). She said at the time sobbing "I don't even have my own music!!". I suppose that's my fault too, mean SOB that I am. I even asked one time why she was doing it, she explained politely it was so she didn't have to hear me (or the children collaterally). I suspect there are other voices as well she is trying to drown out. When I have them , the kids have mentioned "mom and her head phones", so I know she has not stopped this behavior. They have even had to ask her to turn down the music (all modern pop songs) in her car! Nutty.

I will not leave. I very well may become bat-sh#t crazy ( if not already) but I will not leave the house. I have said many times that it probably would be easier if we were not around each other but in the long run maybe it will be a positive thing. Who knows?

If I had known in early December what I know now, I probably wouldn't have left either, especially now that W is saying our "trial" separation was meant to be for me to get "adjusted" to living on my own in prep for a D. In 3 weeks she went from saying she wasn't sure and there was plenty of time to demanding a D so I can move on and find someone to make me happy. I've stopped trying to interpret the space signals a while ago.
J