I have not been able to update because we took a family ski vacation this past week. The vacation was planned and partially paid for before we even left.
We all enjoyed our vacation. This was a 180 for me because usually I worry about money, and this time around I didn't. We went to a top-notch but very expensive resort and did everything.
I don't think the vacation changed my wife's mind. She is still confused and she is not making any moves. She is just biding time. Maybe she is waiting for something to happen.
On the good front, the OM that she is "friends" with has a girlfriend. On the bad front, she continues to contact this OM. We have a single cell phone account with two phones, and last week he texted her and she replied.
She doesn't tell me directly the issues per se, but I have gleaned that she essentially thinks I'm too Beta and not enough Alpha. I've been working on that these months. Our marriage got to the point where I would always say things like, "what do you want to do?" or let her choose the movie or restaurant.
Another change is that I would be very critical about little things, and I sweated the small stuff. I stopped doing that.
Sailing:
Just remember that you’ve made it 22 years together, so you must have been doing something right. Not many husbands can say that, alpha or not. If you think you need to change anything, then do it for you, not because you think it will win her back.
Here’s the thing. If she’s in a midlife crises, (and it certainly sounds to me like she is) there is NOTHING you can do to “fix” her. She is on her own journey for meaning and purpose in her life . She can blame you for her recent unhappiness, (and I say 'recent' because no matter what she says now, no one stays in a marriage for 22 years if they were unhappy) but she will not come out of her crises until she begins to look within for answers. This is something she must do on her own.
So, this is more about HER than it is about you and the marriage. Sure, you want to identify your mistakes and weaknesses, and correct them, but that alone will not draw her back.
Fasten your safety belt and pack a lunch, you’re in for a long ride.
Study more about MLC.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, thanks for the encouragement. I've read your story too. I wonder if a W can be both WAW and MLC. There are certainly some things that she was unhappy with for a long time. Also, in retrospect, I can trace the beginning of her MLC to about 5 years ago. My wife never exercised, I could never get her to do any sports or anything. In 2009 she started running. I always ran about 2-3 times a week for about 3 miles. She would run for longer distances, and we started doing races until she did a marathon in 2010. Can a MLC start so early and go on for so long?
