The only reason for the detail was it was already created in my personal journal. Maybe it's not a healthy thing to have?
I'll try not to go overboard with my responses...
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
What I want to know is whether the affair is physical, and IF so, whether that is an absolute definite deal breaker for you,
Short answer - To be completely honest - I do not know if it was a PA. As for a PA being a deal breaker? No, it's not.
Longer answer:
She claims pretty adamantly that it was not a PA, so I have to take it on her word it was not. Dealing with the aftermath of the personal and business issues regarding her former partner, she says there's things that I don't know and that if I did it would cause more trouble than he's worth. That's really the only thing I have trouble dealing with right now - basically, it seems like she's hiding something.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
and what SHE SAID your flaws are, which ones you agree with and want to work on
Not helping around the house
She did mention once that she felt she had no privacy from me at all since I knew her email and Facebook passwords (not entirely true).
That when she's venting, that's all she wants is someone to listen. (I didn't understand this at first, but, after reading it's clear that I'm a 'fixer' who wants to solve everyone's problems)
She has mentioned to other people (I've heard it from them, but, never her) that I was not the same person I was before the car accident.
Claimed I was too lenient on D#2. (Some truth in this, especially since her own car accidents.)
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
what SHE IS NOW SAYING she wants,
The last time we discussed our M was right before Christmas when she said she wanted a S. She recently went back to work. When we talk about house repairs/updates I'm planning, she always talks like she's going to be here. However, she's not actually recanted on the S request.
And as I said in one of the long posts above, she also told me on this same day that she has everything a woman can want, but, still can find happiness and is constantly confused and just wants to be able to clear her head and focus.
Originally Posted By: 25yreasmlc
and what YOUR 180s are.
I've been committed to exercising and getting into shape since the summer of 2011. I've lost almost 80lbs since then. Though I'm far from a physical specimen, I'm more confidant than I have been in a long time, easier to get along with, do not react negatively to bad news and am more optimistic about the future.
I've taken over a lot of the household responsibilities so she has less to do when she's home and less to worry about at the end of her workday.
I listen more than I talk. I've learned to ask questions rather than give commentary on other peoples problems, unless they explicitly ask for my input. Also not getting involved in our D's squabbles (I identified this one myself) and letting them solve their own problems.
I've stopped asking her about who she's texting or talking to or what she's talking about. Giving her the privacy she asked for.
Holding D#2 more accountable.
Giving her space - and a lot of it. I don't hover over her or follow her everywhere. If she says she going somewhere, I don't question it or ask if I can go. If we're having a conversation, I'll sit with her while we're talking, but, when it's finished I'll excuse myself and go do other things, unless she asks me to stay and watch TV or whatever.
