I would be like your story above, there would be something missing, the purity, the innocence of it all, I was 22 when we M, water fights, 2am pizza orders, Christian retreats in Wis. burnt dinners, lots of beach play, and tacos. We could never start over, or pick up where left off, so it would have to be who we have both become today.
oh mannnnn - you're rite of course. you saying that guy is gone forever- i fear mine is also. he has fun left in him - but not to enjoy with me. he doesn't let himself have fun with me anymore- it all goes elsewhere. i'm sick of seeing that in particular- any stupid old friend or person warrants the old guy coming forth. he withholds him from me. don't know wtf about it-
my h never ever ever had or has or probably will have any sort of spirituality - AT ALL. this guy says he doesn't believe in art, music, poetry or God. Oh man- saying that out loud what a bore he sounds like - i swear- he seemed very very kind and nice. he was for a long time - til he took a big turn- i know it sounds dopey- but stopping smoking was the first sttep down a bad bad road. maybe he only was such a wonderful man on that particular drug- it does calm one down.
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if he doesn't have kids he's looking at some lonely years with out his Nero who would have L him, what do you think?
iknow- it's so sad isn't it- to see this from outside it all? i feel sorry and protective and anger all together about h. if he blows this with me- he will deserve what he gets i am sorry to report. perhaps he will just plug in a new woman where i was- and it will all be the same to him- someone to love and serve. no particular note of personality- character, etc. maybe all that i am does not matter one bit. it's a bleak thought- but probably a 50% probability. i hate being realistic- fatalistic, whatever it is. i always thought what we were inside mattered most of all- maybe not.
this gal at the show was telling me that it was a hard decision and she figured that in the end- it would be her all alone - and she wanted to preserve her life as it was as much as possible so she decided she'd "overlook" the ow & try and value him as a companion (if she couldn't have what they'd had) . wow- coming to that on your own- hard hard to do. hence her changed (a bit - FOREVER) feelings - but says he is quite happy to profess his love for her- and their r is good now. i just don't know- it feels like soooooo long and soooo much water under tht bridge. i don't know how "back" we could go. but anyway- it made me feel good to think someone out there in the universe found their way back.
you're sounding more strong than i feel generally. i hate to acknowlege it. i can act as if- but my heart is still an unhappy camper. oh well- i guess that's a given for all this
