i have to laugh at you even using the word "blossom" in the same post with me. i feel like a giant mushroom rotting away in some shady and icky place- leaves & litter all around it- probably stinky to boot....
0h well- get this- at the doll show we run into a girl we used to see every year (mia last couple tho) - we all sell stuff- so she's there, we get chatting- she's teling me about her husband flipping out- ow - she ends up buying a house in NC preparatory to leaving him- somehow - they end up staying together and it is now better than ever - tho - she expresses sadness that a little bit of her is different and she's not as unqualifiedly in love with him as she was to begin with. boy- her spiel was exactly what we all say- she came to most of the conclusions mwd pushes on her own- take care ofself- make it bout her self=- preserve her life and lifestyle- don't just run and end uplonely & poor and unhappy all alone, etc.
SOOOO- HERE IS THIS GIANT SUCCESS STORY - right plopped in my stupid lap this morning - out of the blue. she's telling me and saying that'w where 'SHE GOT LOST TO ' back several years ago - for several years. just allll the junk we're all going tyhru.
don't know what to think- does it give me hope? or resignation? or what? i wish i could feel better about going with my gut- and be sure (i know , i know- no such thing as security in real life) i was doing the rite things and the smart things for me.
i'm still plagued with my "what if's" - what if he is a worthless rat that never was worth the love- & still not. except now i am not blind- what is my excuse now-
oh well- actually feel the need to cl ean this workroom- been here long enough to be a bit focused - rather than just got to town adn in my usual spin -
so i'm going to- you're nice to say i sound good. today and yesterday i felt and sound crazy to myself-
what the heck is it that jewish people say- next year in jerusalem? i keep thinking - next year in ______________ but rite now i can't remember what i filled in there. it was making me laugh in car yesterday- duhhhhyh...
oh well- next year in ____________________(sanity?)
have a good day- i took a little weeny tranquilizer because i was in an evil and internally edgy mood - no wonder i'm feeling better now-
OH MAN- if i ever feel happy and calm in life again- EVER - I WILL NEVER take it for granted. anything other than this miserable upheaval i will never not stop and be grateful for.
no kidding.
xxo hope you're having a good day- i think of you all the time- the knowing _ the dealing with ow in your face (in your town) - i swear- i just don't know how you or any of us do it!!!
BUT HEY- THERE IS THIS NEW GIANT SUCCESS STORY THAT FELL ACROSS MY PATH THIS MORNING- it can work (it's amazing how much she said the same things mwd does!!!)) wtf
