Thanks Tallula. I get what you're saying, and I am amazed at myself. Try sitting in the same room with your cheating H watching a movie because you want the kids to be with him, but they dont' want to be alone with him yet (or maybe just want me near so I don't "disappear"--who knows). Popping popcorn and baking cookies. This is because he has no place to entertain them himself. So I welcome him into our home. I am a flipping saint!
But I still don't feel like I have any choice. I feel that strongly. My morals or ethics or whatever wouldn't let me stoop that low to in any way harm my boys directly or indirectly. My fantasy life and scheming all kinds of delicious revenge is VERY active. But I know that I would never act on it. Wouldn't give them the pleasure of being persecuted.
Living well is the best revenge, and that is the way I intend to live. I still wish I could fast forward to a year from now. The stress of this life is wearing me down. When the boys play their wii--probably too much---I lay on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket and watch dumb tv. Then I feel recharged. I am blessed with many many friends and they lift me up and support me. I have a team of people ready to do ANYTHING in the revenge department. Again, will NOT take them up on their offers, but lovely to know that people would do anything for me. H can't say the same.
and that makes me strangely sad. I am such a softie, I can't take myself.
