reforce on me

[labug]

I get it, too. For me (and my sons are much older) I was also jealous that they got to have an R with their Dad and I didn't. There's probably lots of stuff swirling around in your head that you could dig through.

The clock in/clock out is mindreading. Is that helpful to you or does it just fuel your anger.

I differ from Ruby in that I wouldn't ask to see his place because it sends the message you don't trust him although you say you do. Is this a theme in your R? Have you thought that your mothering is better than his fathering? It happens, I think many of us think that at some time or another but it's not fair and it results in damaging your R with your H and his R with his kids. Just because we think something is "right" doesn't make it so.

But, the truth is he didn't, he just gave up on us.
I said and thought this many times but I think we should all remove it from our mental tape recorder. It keeps us stuck and it makes it all about him. For most of us our S didn't suddenly wake up one day and say "Today I'm going to turn my family's life upside down." They were unhappy for a while and probably tried to tell us but because we were busy, we didn't listen and when we did listen, we didn't hear. Then they became lonely in the marriage and decided to look for something or someone to take that feeling away.

This is not an excuse, just a view from their side and I know it's the truth in my marriage. It's taken me a long time to be able to think about that and not cringe because of my mistakes.

Let your H develop his R with his boys, they're all coming to the age when a Dad is so important. And so what if they sleep on the floor, or wear the same clothes for 2 days or have hot dogs for dinner.

[Tallula]

I differ from Ruby in that I wouldn't ask to see his place because it sends the message you don't trust him although you say you do. Is this a theme in your R? Have you thought that your mothering is better than his fathering? It happens, I think many of us think that at some time or another but it's not fair and it results in damaging your R with your H and his R with his kids. Just because we think something is "right" doesn't make it so.

Let your H develop his R with his boys, they're all coming to the age when a Dad is so important. And so what if they sleep on the floor, or wear the same clothes for 2 days or have hot dogs for dinner.

I was thinking the same thing. I really did impede my H's R with the kids. He now says, not really just that we are a good team, but I could/can back off alot. I know my H would have viewed me asking to see his apartment before/if I'd let the kids over as controlling and untrusting. The first time I layed eyes on it was when I dropped them off.

My suggestion would be to just call him and tell him they can stay there. You should definately drop off or pick up, but show some trust. Withholding the visit until you approve if the apartment does come off as not trusting his judgement.