What I would like to see from you is an account of behavioral changes that are likely to be noticed by your W. Do you really know what she would like to see to feel happy in the M? Have you pinpointed the behavior that caused damage to the M?
Keep up the great work!
Any behavior that my wife has mentioned being unhappy with has been 180'd by me to the best of my ability for the duration of the crises now. I'm sure she notices but it's not changing her feelings of not being "in love" with me. Her shields are set on maximum and she's just not letting me in.
And why would she? All the vets and experts in the MLC forum tell us LBS's the same thing: It's not about us or the marriage, it's about their personal issues that only they can work through. This is not an excuse for us to not work on ourselves and correct our shortcomings, oh no, but something to remember when nothing we do (or stop doing) seems to work to bring our spouses back.
My wife is on a personal journey. A major life transition. She will not come back to me until she works through these issues. Will I still be here when she does? I hope so! That's where you and all my fellow D Busters come in... helping to keep me on track.
V-Day update:
I found an appropriate card:
Cover:
Happy "You've got a beautiful heart" day.
Happy "You're really something" day
Happy "I'm glad you're in my life" day
Inside:
Happy Valentine's Day
...Which I signed with a smilie face and my name, and left out for her before I left the house. She left it untouched for the entire day, but did open it today. She did not mention anything about it, and didn't get me a card. I said nothing about any of this. I'm glad I didn't let the day pass without acknowledgment.
Tonight we visited my parents, who still know nothing about our sitch. Wife acted like all was well, laughed and hugged my folks.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
