My friend had a suggestion for talking to my husband about the divorce. Said I should take his phone from its hiding place, show it to him and tell him I know he's talking to ow . Should I ? She's worried about me talking to h alone but he's never been violent. He is more distant than ever and so am I. Probably pining for ow. I can't figure out why he's still here. He mentioned moving out about a week ago because he is the cause of problems. I said nothing and he dropped it .
1) No need for theatrics. Just tell him simply, calmly, that you know he's still talking to OW and that you have filed for divorce.
2) I'd pay heed to your friend's concern about you telling your H alone. If she thinks he might get violent, she might be picking up on some vibe that you're too close to to notice. I'm not sure what the best way to do this is - somehow it seems worse to have another person around to witness his shame - maybe you could tell him in some public place? Or have your friend come over immediately after?
My friend lives 3 hours away. She hasn't seen or talked to my husband in a long time. I could ask my oldest son to be around the block. My friend is worried cuz I told her that he's not the same person. That's in regards to the lying and sneaking around. He's always had a gripe about money where I'm concerned . I never spent on fancy things but he always bought whatever he desired regardless of cost. So I have a little trepidation about that. Should I tell him that the divorce papers say he can't spend excessively and he can't change accounts?
Rachael, Keep the conversation simple and to the point. Just tell him that you filed for a divorce based on the grounds that he's still involved w/the ow. You do not need to tell him what is in the divorce papers...that is his lawyer's job to explain it all to him.
If he is prone to violence or temper tantrums, have someone very close by, maybe in the next room just in case he goes off.
Once you have advised him that you have filed, walk away and do not engage in any additional conversations w/him. He will be angry and want to bait you...don't take the bait.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for your advice. Maybe I should leave the house? After I tell him. He is prone to angery outbursts. But hey, this seems to be what he wants. Still I expect him to deny any involvement and I'm his mind its okay to be friends. I know he wants more and I told him last month if he is contacting her I'm through.
You will know after the conversation whether to leave the house for a bit or not.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with Snodderly ... keep it brief, and simple. Have your son in the next room, or nearby, just in case. And, also for emotional support.
Again, I can see my H in yours ... I'm not a big spender either, but he will buy big items, and sometimes without telling me. This has been a big issue for me. When I worked, most of my money went on things for the house, groceries, and work clothes. I very seldom bought myself anything substantial. Oh well.
Good luck with telling your H.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Need advice I was hoping to hear back from the attorney about whether the judge signed the papers. Haven't heard from her and it may not be til tues because she is going out of town. In the meantime my h texted me to ask me how I was and wants to go out to celebrate valentines day tomorrow. I don't get it! I don't want to pretend I'm still trying in this marriage. He's been cold and distant and now this? What should I say? I have not texted back and he texted this am. Thinking maybe ow turned him down or he's scared to leave. I know he was looking at apts. what do I do?
