Confused compass?

[JJAC2005]

Today....I still have hope!
I will always have hope....
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things" - 1 Cor 13:7

A small reflection on Valentines day....
Someone would have a poor idea of human and marital love by thinking that affection and joy vanish when difficulties come. This is when we really see what motivates people.
Here also is where gift and tenderness are consolidated, because true love does not think about itself, but about how to increase the good of the beloved. - Pope John Paul II

prayer: Lord God, transform me into the compassionate, tender person I want to be. I give you my weakness in exchange for your strength.

[JJAC2005]

Overall a great morning...I woke up smiling,and motivated to start my day! I said my morning prayers, meditated, then went and worked out....came home and made breakfast.
I managed to finished the DR book last night before bed....I still have a few weird feelings about wondering if any of this will even make a difference to getting back with my ex, seeing as how I am divorced already and she basically doesn't want to ever revisit our relationship ever again. I know that the situation of going thru a “D” was incredibly painful and unfortunate, but it led to lessons that are changing me in so many positive ways. I’m now with out question, that it was something we both needed to have happen to become who we both needed to be. (I know I shouldn’t say it, but I feel that if I would have had the books even a week before the “D” I wouldn’t have gone thru with the “D”). It’s a huge eye opener….and one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
The motivation may have started with my struggles in letting go of my wife, but quite honestly, I know that its not about her, its about me. Ultimately if I'm happy, healthy, and have truly made the changes I needed to make for myself, and she takes the time to notice, I still have a chance.
-she may have been the WAW....but I know she will always have a spot in her heart I had once, that makes her smile when she thinks of it.

To a certain degree I had started down this path, way before I ever even heard of DB'ing. It was soon after the final good bye was said (a month after our "D") that I went thru the normal separation withdrawals, and a type of mourning that left my feelings reeling off the charts in any and every direction. Then when I stabilized (enough), I new that the best way to get thru it was to understand what I was responsible for, own it, and make myself better for the future. I was doing the GAL before I knew about GAL, but I was still doing the pursuing/pushing, even if it felt like I was giving her space, I would reach out about once a month to check in....that only did exactly what they say it will do, "push em back even further".
Anyway, I was hell bent on proving my point(s), even if it would be just for my own satisfaction, and a little research on personality conflicts, personality and other psychological disorders, as well as commitment, communication skills, and compatibility all led me to a series of material on "remarrying your ex spouse". The author of a series of articles wrote about hw se discovered and applied the DB/DR books (among others) in getting her marriage back after a divorce. http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/rachel-clark

From there I was looking and reading, reading and looking….searching for anything that would help me get my wife back help me get my family back, help me to heal my marriage. Then one day just before Christmas my brother called me with a piece of news he had just heard through one of his church group workshops….a couple that had gotten divorced a while ago, were now on a book tour telling how they saved their marriage after years of being apart. The news came as another inspiration and I began to look more at all the similarities in what had happened to their marriage when they came to that stage of disillusionment. They also had a great deal of good information to share about their own journey back into a closer relationship with each other and God. The book was “I do Again” by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qRPbBbBJis
After couple of interesting exchanges with my ex I became extremely confused by all of her anger….I admitted my mistakes, and she said she forgave me (but wouldn’t forget) and I just couldn’t get why she would still be so angry toward me.
That put back into a quandary of how would this ever work….
And now, after some more reading…more learning….more uninhibited help from the wonderful people on this site, I began to come to a calmer way of viewing the entire process.
Keep the faith…keep your hope alive, if that's what you choose to do…..but remember that its only about you and what you can control.
That you are accountable for your past discretions and behaviors, and you are in charge of your present and your future

I loved this saying after seeing it for the first time almost 25 years ago
Remember the past....prepare for the future....but don’t forget that the present is where you live.

I hope you all have a great day….thanks for keeping me on the right path!

[MrBond]

Do you keep in touch with your step children? At the very least you should communicate with her about them. I mean you practically raised them.

[JJAC2005]

I want to in the worst way....I have chosen to respect her wish to leave her and the kids alone.
For whatever reason she is not allowing any contact at this time.
I spoke with my step-son back in mid Nov, and it was very emotional for him (me too), and a few text messages with Step-D, but since then the W has blocked my phone.
Its too bad....I know....but not much I can do at this point, and I am praying that she softens her heart at some point and allows some sort of relationship in the future.

[MrBond]

Isn't there anything you can do legally to see them?

[JJAC2005]

Im hoping that perhaps by going dark now will be a good thing...who knows?
But at least its something I recognize as out of my control and just another those things that I have to let go of.
-Not the kids....just the options of the situation.

[MrBond]

Again, forget about the M for a bit. What about the kids?

[JJAC2005]

Not a thing legally I can do.....these children are hers and her ex-H-#1
Im just a step dad that has to let go...and love what come back my way to love

[JJAC2005]

just to recap....I have always tried to stay in touch with the kids. We had, what I thought a very good conversation with them about their mother and I "still loving each other just not able to live with each other" when we told them about us getting a divorce, and that they could always contact me when ever they wanted. However, because I didn't have any biological or legal right it was up to them to initiate contact, and that they could always call email or text me when they needed or wanted but they had to discuss it with their mother first.
Right or wrong, the angle I was always trying to underline here was having respect for your mother....

[JJAC2005]

I would like to ask if anyone can link me up to reading some examples of successful reconciliations specifically involving already "divorced" couples without children together ....
Of course...It would be nice to read anything that could be ian nspirational example of a couple that pieced things back together after "D" day.