Like others here it appears to me you are taking on way too much. It's exhausting just reading about it. I get it though, I do. Routine and keeping busy help. Fulfilling obligations makes us feel useful and good. The kids are being let down in some ways, so maybe we can make it up to them in others, etc. etc.
All that said, it may be worthwhile to inventory everything you have going on and prioritize it. Some things must continue, some things you could decide to participate when convenient only, and some things you can probably drop.
You may be assuming that the kids like their activities more than they actually do in some cases, or there may be a substitute activity available that requires less time from you, etc.
I realize that this process of review is yet another task to add to the pile, but come on, you're buried! You need more time for you. If that means there are fewer activities for S15 & S12, maybe that's okay, right? For my kids, they do 2 programs at a time. You want to take swim lessons? What are you going to give up? Oldest one does horseback riding and drama, middle one does drama and lacrosse, youngest one does swimming and dance. When it comes to sports, playing on two teams in the same sport counts as two activities. I'm not saying this is the right program for you, I'm just saying I went through this process too where I felt I was living to drive the kids to this and that, get them equipment, supplies, etc. and it became too consuming.
At the same time you consider decreasing their activities, you may want to increase their responsibilities. Have them start doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, feeding the dogs, walking the dogs, etc. Turn that knob up. I'm sure they have chores now, but give them more. When H moved out you went from a 4 person team to a 3 person team, and that extra work needs to be distributed. Maybe you've done this already, but you're in single mother mode with 2 able-bodied boys, put them to work!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
